


All Illness Can Be Healed With Love Except Syphilis (Isn’t This Title A Bit Too Raunchy For Shounen?)

by imaweirdkid



Series: Careful When You Fall For Someone Cause You Might Break Your Neck [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: But not without bitching about it, Established Relationship, Gintoki is being a good boyfriend, Hijikata is ill, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaweirdkid/pseuds/imaweirdkid
Summary: Hijikata is a terrible patient.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: Careful When You Fall For Someone Cause You Might Break Your Neck [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878241
Comments: 8
Kudos: 149





	All Illness Can Be Healed With Love Except Syphilis (Isn’t This Title A Bit Too Raunchy For Shounen?)

It starts with a simple sneeze.

“Hijikata-kun, did you finally catch something fatal?” Sougo asks from the doorway, where he is standing.

“Oi, oi, aren’t you meant to be working?” Hijikata asks in turn from where he is sitting in front of his reports.

“Please die quickly, Hijikata-san.” The asshole says and bows. “I want to tell Kondou-san tonight that I’m Vice-Commander now.”

“Damn brat, I’m not dying! Stop lazing about and go commit seppuku!”

But his protests don’t help.

10 minutes later, Hijikata has sneezed no less than 15 times, and he can feel a headache coming on.

Pfft, there’s no way he’s getting ill. It’s just allergies. It’s normal.

* * *

By the time, the sun goes down, he feels absolutely wretched.

He sits in the bath for a bit, but it quickly feels too hot for him and even though he will never admit it to anyone, he’s pretty sure he is running a fever. It’s probably best if he doesn’t get his germs all over the barracks, though as he’s sitting there, he thinks, it may already be too late for that. He sighs.

To make matters worse, he is meant to go to Yorozuya’s tonight.

He’s trying to decide which will be worse, to cancel and having to put up with Gintoki’s bitching about his absence next time he sees him or to go and having to put up with Gintoki’s bitching about the fact that he’s ill tonight.

He rises out of the water and showers himself off. The cool water feels blissfully refreshing at first, but then he starts to get the shivers all of a sudden and yeah, no way. He’s going to have to stay in his own futon this evening.

It’s unfortunate, too, he hasn’t seen Yorozuya in a few days because of work and he had actually been looking forward to it, but it can’t be helped. He’ll just get the bastard sick and that would not be useful to anyone.

He sends Yamazaki, who will pass there on his patrol anyway, with a short message to Yorozuya, and then he drops onto his futon in exhaustion. His eyes feel heavy, his nose is stuffed, and he falls asleep almost instantly.

Tomorrow, he’s certain, he’ll feel better.

* * *

When he wakes up, it’s the dead of night, and if anything he feels ten times worse. He can’t breathe through his nose at all and all the bones in his body have simultaneously decided to just _hurt_. At first, he thinks it’s the pain that woke him up, but then he hears footsteps outside his room.

Fuck, an intruder, now of all times. He crawls to grab his sword and is about to stand up, when the door slides open and Yorozuya slips into the room. He carefully slides the door closed, his back to Hijikata, and is clearly checking if someone in the hallway has heard or seen him.

“What are you doing here, idiot?” Hijikata rasps. Oh no, his voice is almost gone. Damnit.

The bastard yelps and turns around.

“Do you have to give Gin-san a heart attack?” he asks after catching his breath.

“What do you think you just gave me, dumbass?” Hijikata shoots back, but lets his sword fall back down next to him. “What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?”

Fuck, he’s tired.

He plops his upper body back down onto the futon, before Yorozuya can answer him. He feels a bit like he’s dying. He doesn’t think his fever has gone down even a little in the few hours since he went to bed.

“If you’re here for a fuck, I don’t think I’m quite up to it.” he tells Gintoki, who has the audacity to shush him.

“Shut up, like I want your snot anywhere near me.” he says and produces a package wrapped in cloth. “Have you eaten?”

Now that he thinks about it, no, he hasn’t. He hadn’t felt like he could have kept anything down earlier, so he went straight to the bath and then to bed. He isn’t sure, whether he will be able to keep anything down now either, though. He’s feeling both hungry and a bit queasy at the same time if he’s honest.

Yorozuya unwraps the package on the table and the smell of ramen wafts through the air. Hijikata’s stomach grumbles and the bastard laughs at him.

“I guess that answers my question.”

“I didn’t feel up to it earlier,” he mutters and crawls over to the table. Gintoki hands him some chopsticks and a spoon, which he takes without looking at him. This is embarrassing. Yorozuya hasn’t really seen him properly ill or injured since this whole thing between them started. Hijikata doesn’t quite know what to do with the fact that the idiot showed up here.

He tries the food and finds that it's still hot. The noodles haven't gone soggy yet, and the broth is nice and salty. He slurps his noodles and tries not to show that he is actually a little grateful that Yorozuya is here.

Yorozuya, who is just watching him eat. Which is a bit creepy.

“What are you staring at?” he asks with a mouthful of noodles.

“Just watching you inhale food that’s not covered in mayonnaise is shocking. Gin-san is shocked. That’s what you’re witnessing.” The asshole replies.

“This would be better if you had brought some, but I see your thoughtfulness has limits.” Hijikata bites back and slurps some more noodles with as much dignity as he can muster. He could get his own mayonnaise from the cupboard, but just the thought of standing up makes him a bit dizzy.

“Pfft, Gin-san goes out of his way to get his royal sickness some ramen and that’s how you repay him.” Yorozuya says and to Hijikata’s absolute astonishment he produces a bottle of mayonnaise and sets it down next to Hijikata’s food. “Don’t go overboard, Gin-san is not here to wipe up your puke, mayo brain.”

Hijikata doesn’t know what to say to that, so he wisely keeps his mouth shut, grabs the mayonnaise and dumps a quarter of the bottle on his noodles. It is of course an instant improvement. Not that the ramen was bland before, but the mayonnaise adds a certain je-ne-sais-quoi that every gourmet will instantly recognise. Obviously, it would be wasted on a sweet tooth like Yorozuya, but he appreciates the gesture all the same.

After he has indeed inhaled his noodles and slurped the remaining broth out of the bowl, he has to admit that he feels a little better. If also about 300 times more exhausted. The embarrassment over the fact that Yorozuya came all the way here, broke into the barracks even — and Hijikata will have to ask him how he managed that — just to bring him food has not subsided yet. He also feels something else. He recognises it instantly as the useless warm feeling he always gets when he’s with Gintoki. For the moment, he decides to blame it on the fever.

Hijikata yawns.

“Right, back to bed with you, tax thief.” Yorozuya says and pushes him lightly in the direction of his futon.

“Oi, what do you think you’re doing?” Hijikata asks outraged, but still does as he’s been tasked to.

“I’m playing nurse, isn’t it obvious?” Then a shit-eating grin splits his face. “Oi, oi, Hijikata-kun, when I inevitably catch this thing… will you wear a nurse uniform for Gin-san?”

“Shut up, pervert.” he says and throws his pillow at him. Which, he realises instantly, is a big mistake, because now his pillow is very far away. He’s going to have to crawl back over to get it.

Except he won’t, because Yorozuya brings it back, lightly hits him in the face with it, and then busies himself with Hijikata’s cupboard.

“Oi, do you have a second futon in here or will I have to sneak through the barracks again to find one?” He asks and it’s immediately followed by an “Ah!” as he finds what he’s looking for.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Hijikata asks again for the second time in as many minutes.

“Obvious,” the impudent bastard says. “I need to make sure you don’t choke on your own tongue or something.” He lays out the second futon right next to his and — in an outrageous turn of events — gets under the covers.

If Hijikata had the strength to argue he would — they’ve never stayed at the barracks together and Yorozuya knows why. It’s all too likely that someone will just barge in due to some kind of emergency. It's probably less likely today, what with him being ill... but still. It's a matter of principle. Lucky for the bastard he doesn’t have the strength to argue, though. And he doesn’t have the strength to fight off Gintoki’s arm either which wriggles underneath and around him and tucks Hijikata’s entire body into Gintoki’s side. What an opportunistic asshole.

“If you get ill, don’t blame me.” Hijikata mutters into his neck and hopes none of the satisfied feeling in his stomach seeps into his words.

“Pfft, if I get ill it is obviously your fault for getting ill in the first place.”

Well, he can’t argue with that logic, so he closes his eyes instead.

They lie like that for a little while and Hijikata can tell that he’s about to drift off.

“Oi, perm head,” he says and elbows Yorozuya in the ribs with as much force as he can muster. Because he has no strength left, it comes out as a light jab.

“Hm?” is the answer he gets.

“Thanks.” he says.

He can feel Yorozuya snort beside him.

“I expect my payment in Pachinko balls.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

As he drifts off to sleep, he feels Yorozuya’s fingers combing through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Hijikata Toushirou = Worlds Worst Tsundere?


End file.
